Dear Dad
by Quadrantje
Summary: In the aftermath of Terra Firma, Jack discovers John's tapes.


**Disclaimer: the universe of Farscape does not belong to me, nor does anything in it.**

 **A/N: it's been years since my last Farscape fic and I don't know if there's even anyone left here to read it, but this little beauty just came to me last night and after the long fics I've been working on lately, it's been a delight to put this down. I hope there's still somebody left to enjoy it with me. Please forgive me any mistakes, it's been a while since I've seen _Terra Firma,_ so I'm a bit wonky on some of the details.**

 **Dear Dad**

It wasn't until later, when John and his friends had long gone, that Jack remembered the tapes his son had given him. In all the rigmarole of the alien circus, and then the attack on Christmas eve, they'd gotten lost in some forgotten corner, but now he dug them out again. The few meagre tapes that had been on the Farscape One when John went missing. Snippets of John's first few months aboard Moya, years ago now, where his son had recorded his life before the tapes ran out. Each entry addressed to him. For long hours, that evening, Jack sat listening to his son's voice as he described how he couldn't even open the doors at first, had to learn a whole new set of circumstances. About the living ship that he'd found himself on, lost. He described wonders and nightmares, more than Jack could imagine, all in that same wistful tone. Tinged with homesickness. Tears slinked down Jack's face as he listened, frequently pausing the recording when his emotions got the better of him. After a while, he noticed that his son's voice began to change. He became more confident, but also stranger. More and more, disjointed Earthen phrases popped into his speech. Most of them sounded misplaced, odd snippets unrelated to the rest of the conversation. Jack could only imagine how he sounded to his shipmates.  
Finally, in the early morning of the next day, Jack reached the end of the final tape. There, he found the most precious message of all.

 _Dear dad,_ it began, as all of them did. _When we first made it back to Earth a few weekens – weeks – ago, I couldn't believe it. I've been trying to get home for so long. Only took me a couple of days to realize that Earth wasn't home anymore. I'm sorry dad. I've changed too much, but everything here is still the same as it was four years ago._

 _I can't stay here. I have to move on, we both have to move on, soon and there's still so much I want to tell you. So much I can't. There's so much of my life you'll never know. But there's one thing I need you to know. I can't tell you, it's too dangerous, for all of us. But I couldn't bear it if you never knew. So, I just hope you won't listen to these tapes until after we've left. No one else can know, dad. Not the government, definitely not the press. I guess you can tell Liv and Susan, but no one else. Please, dad, you have to promise me._ A deep sigh interrupted John's plea, followed by a cynical chuckle. _I guess if I don't have the guts to tell you this to your face, I can't expect you to promise me anything._ The dark chuckle died down. _The truth is, dad, you might have another grandchild on the way. It's a long story._

 _Aeryn's pregnant. Well, not really pregnant, not yet. You see, Peacekeeper soldiers like her, when they conceive, their bodies place the embryo into stasis. It can stay safe there for up to four cycles – years – through anything. Hunger, war, cold, it's protected. Aeryn, she's pregnant like that. Could have been pregnant before we even met, she doesn't know. But it could be mine. I hope that it is. And I'm terrified._

 _You see, dad, there are people after me, dangerous people, I told you about that. People who want what's in my head. Aeryn she's… my constant. My universe. I love her dad, beyond words. I wish I could introduce you, really, honestly, as the woman I love. My wife. But I can't. It's taking everything I have, more even, to stay away from her, but I have to. Because if Scorpy, or Grayza, or any of the others knew about this, knew about her, and the baby, the world and all that's in it is nothing. They would use her against me and I wouldn't be able to stop them. So I have to pretend. Hurt her. Keep her at arm's length. And it's killing me, dad._

John's voice cracked and Jack could imagine him, trying to pull himself together. He tried to himself, wiping away the tears that had started again at hearing his son's torment. He'd suspected that there was more between his son and the tough, beautiful alien woman, but he'd never imagined this. John continued before he could quite wrap his head around it.

 _Anyway, now you know. Perhaps one day…_ He couldn't even finish the wish, too afraid that what he hoped for would never happen.

 _I love you dad._

Even though Jack knew John couldn't hear him, he couldn't help but respond: 'I love you, John.'

For a few more minutes the room was filled with white noise, before the tape recorder clicked and stopped. It had reached the end of its tape, the end of John's message. The silence that followed was broken only by Jack's sobs and the chirping of the first birds, heralding another winter morning. Leaving Jack in the darkness of his own home, feeling himself further away from his son than ever.

 _ **Fine**_


End file.
